To Market We Go

A pound of ripe tomatoes, please,

And half a tub of lemons,

Six slightly green bananas, sir,

And two of those plump melons.

One avocado - make it two -

And then some tangerines

(I feel some sniffles coming on,

I need some Vitty C).

Why don’t we get a pineapple?

They are such fun to eat!

I love Jerusalem artichokes,

Ooh, they’ll be such a treat.

Do be so kind and throw me over

Sixteen bulbs of garlic -

I’m doing Sunday roast, you see,

So do chuck in some parsnips.

Let’s cook some tatties, ten will do,

And steam some long french beans.

For pudding I’ll do fruit compote

With cinnamon and cream.

What do you mean by laughing at me?

What’s so funny now?

You’ve never seen a shopping dog?

Jeez, man, don’t have a cow.

Just because I’m more sophisticated

Than the rest

It doesn’t call for mockery,

It’s impolite to jest.

Now, how much do I owe you, fella,

How much might that be?

Fifteen pounds, you say, do you?

Fifteen pounds. I see.

Now here’s the rub, sir,

Here’s the snag,

I don’t mean to be funny,

But after all, I’m just a mutt,

I don’t have any money.

Now, hold that temper, don’t get cross,

Please don’t shout at me,

Let’s put this all behind us now,

How ‘bout a cup of tea?

And anyway, you really have been

Paid an awful lot

In kind if not in actual cash:

Hey, you just met a talking dog.