No one tells me anything,
No one gives a hoot.
They haul me out of cosy bed
And plop me in the boot.
“Come on, Daisy, off we go,”
They whistle down the stairs.
I’m never told the journey time.
I’m just so unawares
Of where we’re heading, and how long
It takes us to get there -
I’d like to know if I have time
To brush my tangled hair.
They never give me books to read
It’s too tough to do myself
(The buttons are so fiddly on
Those dratted small machines),
You’d think they’d shove a toy back here
Or just some magazines.
I get a bowl of water
But I’d really like some tea -
And not that heinous PG Tips!
I’m a Lapsang Souchong girl, you see.
Please leave the bag in longer
Than you would do for yourself;
I have a robust palate, ya,
Plus, tea’s good for my health.
I drink it daily before five,
That’s when I switch to port
Which I have with my cheese and bread,
I do adore Roquefort.
Now, you can tell I’m quite complex,
I’m just no two-bit mutt.
I therefore don’t appreciate you
Treating me as such.
So please, next time you have to drag me
Off inside the car,
Furnish me with info:
Where we’re going, why, and how far.
It’s not too much to ask, I feel,
That I am told some facts.
It’s quite important, don’t you see,
So that I know which friends to text
To let them know I’m on my way
Or that I’ll be back soon.
I may already have lunch plans -
A no-show would just be too rude!
And, next time when you yank me out of bed
Into the car...
But wait, what’s this? Oh, joy of joys!
Oh, Man! We’re at the park!
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