On Being Cute

I find it queer when people want to pat and pinch and prod

My back, and stroke my belly and my face; it’s really very odd.

I know I look so damnéd cute and just so very twee,

But really, I have clever thoughts, I’m learning Japanese.

I’m also reading War And Peace (well, re-reading, I suppose)

And learning algorithmic maths. Oh, and making all my clothes.

They’re not for me, before you jest, I sell them on eBay.

They fetch a pretty penny too, I'll be filthy rich one day.

The ties I make are popular - all my own design -

And sweaters do fly off the shelves; I’m knitting all the frickin' time.

And when I’m not with needle-thread you’ll find me with a drill.

I’m making kitchen cab'nets, see? One with a low, low grill

So I can cook all my own food - I do so love homemade -

I’ve made a shepherd’s pie before, and vegetables sauteed.

But sitting at the human counter really is a chore,

I’ve had to do all of my slicing-dicing on the floor!

I need to have a proper surface, not too much to ask,

But to avoid a hefty bill, I’m doing all the work myself.

It will not take me very long - I have a maths degree -

I should think one more week or so, then please, you must come round for tea.