Naptime

Naptime is the best of times to

Formulate my plan;

How I’m going to get into the

Fridge and eat the ham.

I look so cute, I seem so furry

Wrapped in this pink shawl -

But just you wait, I’ll hatch my plot

And I shall fox them all...

All bundled up and oh, so warm,

My cogs are whirring fast:

I’ll find a chair, I’ll hop on up,

That ham! It shall be mine at last!

The trickiest of all the steps

Is opening the door;

I haven’t got the thumbs for it,

Oh, damn these dratted, useless paws!

And so I’ll have to grit my teeth

To yank it open wide.

It may well hurt but I won’t care when

I see all the treats inside.

A slice of cheese (I’ll have, to start)

And then a glass of milk,

Some leftover lasagne, please,

What’s up on the top shelf?

I spy some cake, I’ll munch that, too

And two fat legs of chicken,

I love this sausage and this pie,

This curry’s finger-lickin’.

And now I take my final bow

And peel back silver foil.

I see my ham - it’s glistening pink -

And well worth all the toil.

I lift one paw and rest upon the shelf

That holds my prize -

I stretch my jaw and open wide and

Pop the treasured pig inside.

I jump back down onto the chair and

Nudge the fridge door shut.

I made a mess, but do I care? Not me.

I’m just the cute white mutt...

I wake from napping with a stir and

Casually glance around.

I lift up blankie but, alas! The ham is

Nowhere to be found.

I dreamt it all, it wasn’t real,

I didn’t get the ham.

And never shall it be my prize for

Such a lazy pooch I am.

I’d rather lie here, nice and snug,

Than go on escapades.

I’ll leave those to a different dog,

Some other time, another day.